Child inclusive mediation
Children and young people have a right to be involved and have their voices heard when a family separates. Research shows that children and young people want the opportunity to be heard and that hearing from children can promote more durable outcomes, reduce parental conflict and enhance relationships between parents, and parents and their children (Family Mediation Taskforce, 2016).
Article 12 of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child states that a child who is capable of forming his or her own views shall be assured of the right to express those views freely in all matters affecting the child.
At Hope Family Mediation, we believe that children and young people should be given this opportunity. It is clear from mediation cases that this is hugely empowering for children and young people. A lot of parents report that their children enjoyed meeting the mediator and seemed to feel relieved to have shared some of their thoughts with someone other than their mum or dad.
It is also really valuable to a child and young person whose parents have separated to understand that their parents are talking in mediation and working together for their benefit. It shows children that they are a priority.
**If you are working with solicitors and not in mediation, your child can still meet with a child inclusive mediator (Information for Solicitors and the Protocol for Solicitors and Child Inclusive Mediation)
**If you are in court proceedings, mediation can take place and your child can meet with a mediator within/alongside the court proceedings. You may be able to resolve or narrow the issues and therefore avoid costly and stressful contested proceedings.
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If you are a solicitor and your client has a child or children of an age where they may have views and might value the opportunity of sharing these during Solicitor supported negotiations, please contact info@familymediationhub.co.uk
Click here for the Child inclusive mediation protocol for solicitors.
If you are another professional supporting separated families and would like to discuss Child Inclusive Mediation, please contact info@familymediationhub.co.uk
Click here for the Child inclusive mediation during mediation during solicitor negotiations parental consent form
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It is your right to have a voice in the mediation process if you wish to.
You are not being asked to make decisions. The decisions will always be made by your parents. You will just be given the opportunity to share any thoughts you have with the mediator.
The mediator is not being asked to make any decisions concerning you or your family. Their role is to assist your parents to hopefully make decisions about your family.
The mediator would not tell you what to say or ask you leading questions. The mediator cannot offer their opinions or guidance.
You do not have to meet the mediator if you would prefer not to. It is just an opportunity.
The mediator will only relay information with your parents that you are happy to share.
If the mediator considers you or any other child we discuss to be at risk of harm they may need to speak to another person (parent or professional) to ensure your safety.
The mediator will meet your parents after we have had our conversation in order to pass on any information that you have agreed can be shared. The mediatorI will only provide this verbally.
“Our daughter enjoyed meeting Liz and came out of their chat really positive.”
Tom’s story
Video credit: Family Solutions Group
Child inclusive mediation FAQs
Where would the mediator meet my child?
The mediator can meet your child or young person in person or online. Often younger children like to meet in their school and older children prefer to meet outside of school. This would usually be at The Practice Rooms.
What if they don’t want to meet the mediator?
Then we don’t meet! It is only an invitation to have the opportunity and children are absolutely able to decline.
Is my child old enough to meet with a mediator?
Usually, mediators meet children of 7 or 8 years and above but this can be younger and is child/maturity level specific.
Are mediators qualified and DBS checked to meet with children?
Yes in order to offer Child Inclusive Mediation, mediators need to have completed the Family Mediation Council approved training as well as undertaking annual updates to maintain their qualification. They must also have an enhanced DBS check. Only then are mediators qualified to offer Child Inclusive Mediation..
Child inclusive mediation case studies
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Katie lives with both of her parents in a pattern that had started while she was at primary school. Her move to secondary school had created some problems in the pattern which had upset Katie and created some tension and arguments. Katie was able to share the things in her week that are really important to her and some of the practical difficulties she faces with the travel to and from her new school (often around not having the things she needs for school like P.E. kit and the correct subject books as they were at the other parents house). She shared that it felt difficult for her to raise this with her parents and was pleased that Liz was able to share it for her. She did have some ideas of how things could change in a way that she felt would work better for her. Her parents were able to listen to Liz giving the feedback and use the information and ideas to continue their discussions.
Katie, age 11
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Hassan lives with his mum and spends one night with his dad each week. His mum is planning to move about an hour away which may mean some changes to the weekly pattern and his school. Hassan was pleased to receive a letter through the post from Liz inviting him to meet her. When he met Liz at his school he shared what he loves doing with his mum and what he loves doing with his dad and some worries he had about a change in school. He had some thoughts on what could happen after he has moved. He did some great drawings and chatted whilst doing this. Liz was able to share this information with his mum and dad who then continued their discussions over how things would look for Hassan after the move.
Hassan, age 6
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Jack lives with his Dad. He has refused to spend time with his mum since he became aware of the reasons for their separation. His mum and dad wanted to give Jack the opportunity to meet with a mediator. Jack explained that he is angry and upset. He feels that his mum isn’t sorry or if she is, she hasn’t said this to Jack. Jack shared that he would be up for spending some time with his mum but wants her to apologise first and not put pressure on him to go back to how it was. He would be ok to see his mum for a short time and gave some ideas of the things they could do together. He said that at first he wouldn’t want to spend the whole day but might want this in a few months. Liz was able to share this with Jack’s mum and dad and they came up with a plan for re-starting time between mum and son. They will continue to review this in mediation and hopefully build on time in the coming months.
Jack, age 14